Lately, my life has been overwhelming, dissolving, renewing and reshaping – and above all, chock full of learning. This series of posts is all about sharing that learning with you, and in return, I hope you share your life learning with me. (click here to read the intro post)
Last fall, my life was feeling out of control. I had just returned from Ethiopia, was trying to run my coaching business and workshops, starting a new graduate school program and a new part-time job, trying to pay the bills and take care of my friend.
I felt like all of these things had dropped in my lap at one time, and that somehow I should be able to juggle them all. And somehow, I was responsible for them all too.
“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” people say.
So I kept trying to handle it.
I prayed. I did my homework. I went to classes, and I went to work. I smiled and participated and encouraged others. I was doing all of the things that make me feel purposeful, successful, and make me feel like a good person.
But inside I was a mess. I cried a lot. I tried letting go of the things I couldn’t control, but I wanted to be able to control EVERYTHING. I felt moments of peace, but then the worries and fears would come crashing back in waves. I didn’t know what to do to handle it all or to help my bestie, and I felt powerless.
I didn’t want to burden anyone with what was going on. Everyone else has their own worries and troubles to deal with – why would I burden them with mine?
Was it pride that was keeping me from asking for help? Or did I see myself as a burden because somewhere inside I don’t see myself worthy of help? And even more perplexing – if the roles were reversed, wouldn’t I want to be there for those I love?
Regardless of the root of the issues, I wasn’t asking. I was trying to carry everything alone, and I KNOW BETTER.
So I started doing a little self-coaching,
and I realized the root was fear.
It was fear of being out of control.
It was a fear of being judged.
It was fear of being vulnerable.
It was fear of being needy.
it was a fear of asking for help, and maybe not getting it.
I decided long ago that fear would not be the decision maker in my life. And this situation could be no exception – I needed to step OVER that fear and let people in. I had to ask for help.
Lesson 3: Don’t be afraid to ask for help
I like to think I have things all together. I like to think I can handle just about anything. But we aren’t meant to live that way. We are built for connection and interdependence, and it’s ok to ask for help.
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