Tag Archives: wisdom

Lesson 3: Ask for Help


Lately, my life has been overwhelming, dissolving, renewing and reshaping – and above all, chock full of learning. This series of posts is all about sharing that learning with you, and in return, I hope you share your life learning with me. (click here to read the intro post)

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Last fall, my life was feeling out of control. I had just returned from Ethiopia, was trying to run my coaching business and workshops, starting a new graduate school program and a new part-time job, trying to pay the bills and take care of my friend.

I felt like all of these things had dropped in my lap at one time, and that somehow I should be able to juggle them all. And somehow, I was responsible for them all too.

“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” people say.

Why do people say that?

So I kept trying to handle it.

I prayed.  I did my homework. I went to classes, and I went to work. I smiled and participated and encouraged others. I was doing all of the things that make me feel purposeful, successful, and make me feel like a good person.

But inside I was a mess. I cried a lot. I tried letting go of the things I couldn’t control, but I wanted to be able to control EVERYTHING. I felt moments of peace, but then the worries and fears would come crashing back in waves. I didn’t know what to do to handle it all or to help my bestie, and I felt powerless.

And alone.

I didn’t want to burden anyone with what was going on. Everyone else has their own worries and troubles to deal with – why would I burden them with mine?

I delight helping others, but can't ask for help myself

Was it pride that was keeping me from asking for help? Or did I see myself as a burden because somewhere inside I don’t see myself worthy of help? And even more perplexing – if the roles were reversed, wouldn’t I want to be there for those I love?

Regardless of the root of the issues, I wasn’t asking. I was trying to carry everything alone, and I KNOW BETTER.

So I started doing a little self-coaching,

and I realized the root was fear.

It was fear of being out of control.
It was a fear of being judged.
It was fear of being vulnerable.
It was fear of being needy.
And really…
it was a fear of asking for help, and maybe not getting it.

I decided long ago that fear would not be the decision maker in my life. And this situation could be no exception – I needed to step OVER that fear and let people in. I had to ask for help.

Lesson 3: Don’t be afraid to ask for help

I like to think I have things all together.  I like to think I can handle just about anything.  But we aren’t meant to live that way.  We are built for connection and interdependence, and it’s ok to ask for help.

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I’m a Guru!

Hello friends!

It feels like it’s been a busy month already, and it’s only just getting started.Does that happen to you this time of year too?And then, if we aren’t careful, it can quickly lead to overwhelm – even when we are doing things that are usually fun!

Sometimes when we are busy bees, it helps to share with others all that we’ve been doing (a sanity check maybe?). So I think it will help me to share with you some of the things I’ve been working on:

I’m a featured guru on Hello Peace – first with a Poem, then a more in-your-face Article about the perils of complaining.
Brain on overload
I shared a Confession with Tina C. Hines.
Be ok even if
I’ve been getting the word out about my latest book, the Know My Worth Poem & Prayer Journal.
Know My Worth Journal
And I’m doing a new free online workshop next week, giving tips on how to REMEMBER YOUR WORTH through the holidays.
Remember your worth through the holidays!
And I didn’t even yet mention the work I’ve been doing with Life’s Cheerleader – the Portal to a Positive Self Image, or the new Accountability Coaching Groups I will offer in the new year (more on those next time!).Ok, so I can see why I might be stepping into the realm of overwhelm. But as I take a look at it – each one of these activities also brings me great joy.  I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing!So for now, I’m taking things one step at a time. I’m going to check in regularly with myself to make sure I’m spending my time and energy on those things that are most aligned with my values – most important to me and my well being.

How about you?  Do you have a list too?  I would love to hear it!  Because if you share it with me, you too can take that deep breath and say “Oh, that’s why!”

Purpose and joy are found
when our activities align with our values.

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Nurturing Friendships

writing to a friendI wrote a letter today to a dear friend.  A real letter – an honest-to-goodness, paper-and-pencil, carve-out-time, find-space-on-my-desk letter.

And it felt wonderful.

When, and more importantly, why, did I stop writing letters?

I loved the thoughtful nature of the activity. I had to sit and think about what to say next, think of what I should ask her, and ponder what news she would like to hear from me.

I loved the feeling of the paper sliding under my hand, the weight of the pen.  No plastic keyboard, no clicking (and sticking) space bar.

I even loved the slight cramp in my fingers that came from a “new” position and use.  The muscle memory was weak, yet the memory remains.

nurture quality friendshipsAnd doing this activity made me think about all that we do to feed our friendships, to nurture each other, encourage each other, and support each other.

But sometimes “life” gets in the way.  Do you remember the last time you picked up a pen (or clicked a keyboard) and sent a note out to encourage a special friend?  I’m guessing there is at least one that needs to hear from you.

Today was my day to stop letting life get in the way, and take a few moments to say “hello dear friend, I’m thinking of you, loving you.”

Maybe today
will be your day too.

Speaking of writing…

Just published!

And now available on Amazon.com

Know My Worth JournalKnow My Worth Poem and Prayer Journal

Several of my original poems and prayers are scattered through this journal, surrounded by beautifully-framed lined pages for your own personal reflection time.

Includes affirmations and motivations around themes such as Self Worth, Confidence, Self-Care, and Faith.

I do hope you love it! It’s the perfect size to tuck into a purse or nightstand, and a wonderful gift for someone you love.